The other day while on my way out of town I passed the hotel we met at the first time and several times as we started dating…
I don’t think I’ve ever had so much emotion hit me at one time. Tears uncontrollably spilled from my eyes, my stomach went in knots, my chest felt like it was caving in. So much emotion of one of the most amazing moments ever.
The first time we slept together was September 5th, 2018. We had our first date the Saturday before, and he wanted to meet again as soon as he got back. He was supposed to come back on Monday (he said), didn’t make it back until Tuesday, and wanted to meet on Wednesday.
We did…
He got a room for us, told me where to meet him, and as I walked into the hotel room I could feel his excited energy.
Something about Eli that I loved is that I started feeling his energy the moment I met him. It was instantaneous. It was fast, excited, happy, but erratic energy. It was just exciting and had so much fire. I’ve never felt another person’s presence like I did his.
Within about 60 seconds he was all over me, and I was swept away in intense passion.
It was like everything stopped. Time, the world… Everything!
It was just he and I.
Sex has never meant much to me. I wasn’t taught what it was supposed to mean anything. It wasn’t talked about at all when I was growing up, and I never saw a REAL relationship growing up. I thought it was just something you did because it felt good.
I wont say I fell in love that night, but sex for the first time had a feeling of not only being physical, but soul moving.
We were together a few times that night, and then in the morning before he left for work.
I figured after we were done he would return to his room with his co-workers, but he stayed and slept next to me all night.
As I got up the next morning for the drive home my head was full of so many thoughts.
What had happened? What was that feeling?
I’m not one who falls easy. I don’t get caught up in feelings. I was 6 months out of a hellish relationship and didn’t want any kind of relationship.
I stopped and grabbed some coffee and went straight to my best friend to tell her everything. All she said was… “You’re in trouble…”
She knew before I did by just looking at me what was about to happen. Not the ending, but she saw the beginning all over me.
This was such a unique experience. It wasn’t just the sex. It was the immediate soul connection I felt to him through sex, and it was the start to making love to someone not just with my body, but with every part of my existence.
I could go without sex for a lifetime with anyone else now. Because I know that feeling is unique to only one person ever…
I wasn’t going to share this. It felt too private, but the more I tried to keep this in the more consuming the thoughts and feelings of Eli became. If getting this out doesn’t help I’ll delete this, but in my healing my soul is forcing me to let EVERYTHING out.